How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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