There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize