it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
