Only a mothe r could love this liver
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
there is glitter all over my balls
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