i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
