I faked an abortion last night.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
