Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think I am morally bankrupt
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize