man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
