The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
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