Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize