Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
