discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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