i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
