I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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