Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
