Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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