i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
