Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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