I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
