so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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