I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Randomize
