You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
