Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
