Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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