Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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