is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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