it wasn't lemon gatorade
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
