you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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