your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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