is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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