so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
