If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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