Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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