I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
