I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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