Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
