but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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