I'm drive I can fine osifer
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
