Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Randomize
