C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
