so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
