I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He did a backflip because drugs
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