so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
