I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
