There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
