First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
