The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
