mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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