grandma shit on top of the toilet
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize