We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
