What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize