He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So vagazzling was a success
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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