We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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