I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I AM VODKA MAN
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
