WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
