Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
