and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
