I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
