We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
