Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
