I am puke
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
