but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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