Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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