my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
