Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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