I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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