nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Randomize
