it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
