By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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