Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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