he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
