can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
