You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
