Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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