He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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