Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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