You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
