just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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