no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
