i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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