i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
