I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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