see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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