And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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