your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
