Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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