Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
