Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize