Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
