i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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