Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
