remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
