just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
