I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
