Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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