yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
