We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
