i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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