And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
