at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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