whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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