She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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